The Honest Mommy

Uncensored thoughts on parenting & more

February Update February 21, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 11:53 pm
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Fellow moms and dads, it has been a rough month or so around here. I’m so thankful that I have this venue to vent! I can start every post with “it’s been a rough day/month/year,” and not worry about being judged by family and friends.

I don’t know what exactly it takes to make me happy (or whatever) as a SAHM, but three to four weeks of the kids being sick, followed by an unexpected death in the family and the subsequent frantic funeral-clothes shopping, and in the midst of all that, learning that DS2 will need speech therapy three times per week, are probably not factors working in my favor.

I realize that my life is very, very good. Even so, I can’t figure out how to feel joy and peace when I wake up in the morning and wonder how I’m going to stay sane while trying to keep DS2 “entertained” for yet another day, while trying to cook and clean, while trying to eat right so I might possibly lose a few of these extra 40 pounds, while trying to shop for and prepare meals and snacks that further the health of myself and my kids.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you awesome moms and dads a link to some amazing insights about parenthood. http://www.today.com/id/46942778/site/todayshow/ns/today-books/t/confessions-scary-mommy-honest-look-motherhood/#.USawYaWFySo

I hope you enjoy. And, I apologize that this post isn’t a little more coherent. DS1 and DS2 are yelling, running around, and creating general mayhem.

 

Christmas Eve – The report from Honest Mommy’s House December 24, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 8:55 pm
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It’s Christmas Eve, and the way that family life has unfolded over the past few days has given me a lot to think about.

At our house this year, Winter Break means lots of time with Hubby, the kids, and I all together at home. Personally, I have had mixed feelings about this for some time now. Naturally I am thankful that we are all healthy, safe, and together. Nothing can be taken for granted, as we’ve been reminded by recent events in the U.S. of A.

That being said, there is generally only so much being-together-in-our-little-messy-house that I can take before I start to go bonkers. It doesn’t help that my weight has gone up, up, up over the past several months. As a result, every day I have to grit my teeth and endure the feeling of tight clothes and a body that takes up so much more room than it used to. Also there is always, always the issue of what to eat. It seems to me that a low-carb way of eating is the only way for me to shed pounds, but every day presents struggles and obstacles. One day it’s feeling extremely tired (sick?); another day it seems there’s nothing to eat (yes, I should plan better); another day I’m realizing that the next day holds a holiday celebration or a trip out of town, and all efforts to eat well seem pointless.

Hubby and I agreed that I need to get my hormones tested, to see if there is anything going on there (estrogen dominance, perhaps), but Christmas time is hardly the time to get going on that; it will have to wait until later this week, or even the new year. Heck, on Friday I tried to get some other phone calls made — appointments made — that I’d been putting off for awhile, but it was all for naught because everywhere I called was already closed for the holidays. 

So, yes, dealing with my large, chubby self presents stress and sadness every moment of the day, but that’s hardly the only thing going on. Just the stress of keeping everyone on an even keel is enough to keep me busy. My younger son Mark, 4 years old, is a temperamental fellow, and getting through any day with him is a balancing act, an art, a journey in and of itself. It’s very common for him to run out of steam — exhibit signs of being sleepy and grumpy — by 10 or 11 a.m., but when and whether he’ll take a nap is its own issue. 

I have always found, as a parent, but especially as a parent of Mark (older brother Adam has always been an easier child), that there is no rest for the weary. By that I mean there is rarely time to sit down and rest, enjoy a book, read the newspaper, etc., because Mark always seems to need something. That “something” may be a snack, a dose of discipline, a reprimand to be kind to his brother, a helping hand in the bathroom.

Or, it may be something he wants and is demanding that I do or make for him. Lately it’s been his insistence that he (meaning, Hubby or I) make a rocket out of paper. Doesn’t sound too difficult, but things with Mark are always difficult. In this case, it turned out he wants a real(ish), 3D rocket that flies. Good luck trying to explain to him that this isn’t going to work out quite like he would like. In the end, this means a, in-the-end-unfulfilling, ten minutes trying to craft a rocket out of paper that he cries about and stomps away from because it doesn’t work!!!!!!

Now that we’re all home for Winter Break, things are both easier and harder than usual. Easier, because Hubby and I are both home to share the load. Harder, because Hubby isn’t quite used to being at home so much. He seems surprised, and disappointed, that the kids are getting snarly by 9 or 10 a.m. He seems offended that Mark, instead of appreciating Dad’s efforts to make chocolate chip pancakes for Christmas Eve breakfast, hollers that he doesn’t-want-that-he-wants-SOMETHING-ELSE!!!! (I later shared with Hubby my belief that kids aren’t here to make us happy or fulfill us, and their choices and behavior are more likely to disappoint us than please us, until they are perhaps 26 years old.)

Really, the bottom line for Hubby and me is that life as parents is often, perhaps usually, miserable. Miserable in that it doesn’t matter how worn out, strung out, stressed out, burnt out, or ill you are feeling — family life goes on — it must go on. Meals need to be made, messes need to be cleaned up, errands need to be run. And no one feels the stress of this reality more than the parent who spends the bulk of his/her time at home, if that is the case in that home. 

Now that it’s Winter Break, Hubby and I are both home. Yes, I realize I am pointing this out for the third or fourth time in this post, but this is because it is one of the most important “things” going on at my house right now.

If it’s 11 a.m. and Hubby and I are both worn out from cooking, cleaning, and childcare — and Mark declares he needs to go potty (he needs extra help because of ankle-foot braces he now has) — well, one of us needs to help him, and it’s not always going to be me. Why SHOULD it always be me? The playing field is level in a way that it’s not often level. 

It’s the same for any household need or childcare need that comes up during winter break. We’re in the trenches together, and there are no real outside demands to pull one or the other of us away. In the morning, it’s not as if he needs to shower-get dressed-eat breakfast-run out the door to get to work on time, leaving me to do a lot of the kid stuff and kitchen stuff. No, in our current reality, there we both are. It is lovely. Stressful, but lovely.

Why stressful? Well, I guess I’ve always got one eye on Hubby, gauging how he’s handling the stress of being at home. Some days he can handle just about anything without losing his patience. Other days it doesn’t take much to send him to grumpy-land. Rightly or wrongly, I feel it’s my job to grease the wheels of our family interactions. To remind my husband that the kids will often, even usually, disappoint us. To assure him that whatever kind of day the kids are having is definitely on the scale of normal, and that yes, it really is this miserable being at home with the kids.

 

The truth about today February 7, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 2:24 pm
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Straight from the heart, here is the truth this morning.

When my alarm went off, I did not want to get up. I got to bed too late, in part because my 3yo Mark went to sleep very late. This was because I allowed him to nap for 3 hours yesterday, until about 5:30 p.m. I was curious to see what would happen with his bedtime (that is, his actual fall-asleep time). Sure enough, he was awake until almost 10 p.m. This kid is a tricky sleeper, to be sure. I could go on and on about how we try to tweak his nap time, bed time, etc., in order to get him well rested and sleeping on a schedule that works for our family. To all of you who have children who are tricky sleepers, my heart goes out to you.

This whole morning, I have not felt like dealing with anything. I have been avoiding showering and getting dressed. I have been rotating in and out the audiobooks that Mark is listening to, hoping that he’ll like them and stay engaged. And stay out of my hair.

I have a meeting at 10 a.m., while Mark is at preschool, and I am glad that I have this meeting (a new client for my business), but I wish it could have fallen on a different day, a day when I feel a little more human. A day when I’m not fighting (and losing) against my sugar addiction. (I use the term “addiction” because I don’t know what other term to use; I mean no disrespect to people who battle addictions to other things.) A day when I feel “up” about my business and feel like I can handle thinking about the details that need to be attended to.

This morning, every fiber of my being wants to crawl into bed and read my book. I don’t want to shower, get dressed, get Mark to preschool, and meet with a client. I just want to hide from the world for a few hours, quite honestly, and possibly take a nap.

Thankfully, I don’t have bigger, badder things to battle today. But these are my battles, nonetheless.

 

Day 3 of Hubby being out of town July 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 1:13 am
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I think – no, I know – my morale took a beating today.

Today was Day 3 of Hubby being out of town. Yesterday was long, but I was focused on “let’s enjoy summer while it’s here” and had a good day overall. Today – I don’t know what exactly was different, but by the time I was serving supper to the kids, I didn’t have much good humor left to endure DS2’s shenanigens and DS1’s complaining and bad attitude.

I texted Hubby to give him a heads-up that by the time he got home from his trip this evening, I would be glad to see him but maybe not in a very good mood. I explained that I felt like a hamster stuck on a wheel and that I was very tired of it. I also explained that I have a million things on my to-do list, yet I’m lucky if I can take care of my basic needs. I hope he will be understanding.

I’ve recently re-instated FlyLady routines into my day, and it definitely helps to keep CHAOS away. It’s also a lot of work to actually DO laundry every day and CLEAN the kitchen/kitchen sink every morning. I think I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor, but also feeling the effects of not plopping onto the couch every time I feel the urge. I’m sure Hubby being out of town also plays a large part in my feeling overall wigged out and worn out.

 

The Honest Mommy would like a break from the kitchen, please July 22, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 3:44 pm
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This morning, from 6:15 – 9:30 a.m., I spent nearly all of my time on the following tasks

  • getting myself dressed
  • searching frantically for an uninterrupted 5-minute period during which I could wash my hands, dry my hands, and put my contacts in
  • dealing with children and watercolor paints
  • getting DS1 and DS2 dressed
  • directing DS2 to do his morning routine
  • preparing and serving breakfast to DS1 and DS2
  • working on laundry (folding, putting away)
  • wiping down bathroom
  • washing dishes
  • emptying dishwasher
  • wiping down kitchen sink
  • managing sibling squabbles and crises
  • getting breakfasts number two and three for DS2
  • getting DS2 ready to go outside, then come inside, times two
At 9:30 I finally was ready to sit down and have some breakfast. I had worked so, so, so hard to get everything squared away and everyone taken care of, just so I could have a few minutes to eat in peace.
But, no such luck. When DS2 saw that I was having hard-boiled egg and cheese, he immediately wanted some. So, the egg which I had carefully heated up (twice) for myself ended up going to DS2. I ended up eating while standing at the kitchen counter and doling out bites of food to DS2 (I don’t like to give him too much at once in case he decides to throw it or just not eat it).
Fast forward to 10:30 a.m. The kids were outside playing for 15-20 minutes (yay!), then both came inside and DS2 asked for a snack. (This is the child who I had to force to finish his breakfast because he declared himself “full,” so that I could actually “finish” cleaning the kitchen).
You know what? I do not want to go into the kitchen and come up with a snack, dirty more dishes, create crumbs. I just spent my whole morning, up to this point, trying to “finish” cleaning the kitchen so I could get out of there.
Yes, I am crabby. No, I am not in the running for Mother of the Year.
 

Working out which way is “up” July 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 2:49 pm
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It was one week ago that my family and I returned from our gigantic (to me) European trip. I truthfully had no idea how difficult it would be to get back into the swing of things here at home. I had no idea about the sleep and clingy-ness issues that would arise with 2-year-old Mark. I had no idea how much fatigue would affect me, as well as feeling depressed, unmotivated, and unfocused.

This morning, I told Hubby that I truly do not want to be grumpy and negative, and that I’m working to figure out what types of things will help me move forward. I theorized that “getting back into FlyLady” might be good for me, as it seems that the times when I’ve followed FlyLady routines and mindsets have been good times in my life.

I went to iTunes to look for the FlyLady podcast; I used to listen to her podcast a lot while working around the house. It seems, though, that she no longer has a weekly podcast that is HER. All I can find is the Flylady and Friends podcast which cycles through Gramma, Leanne Ely, Missus Smartypants, and so on. (Do any FlyBabies have advice for me here? Am I missing something?)

Anyway, Hubby took both kids to church stuff this morning, where I will join them later for the worship service. Meanwhile, I have some RARE!!!!!! time to do my FlyLady routine, tidy up, and have some time to myself (hence this blog post). Next up is some devotional time, another piece of my life which needs to get back into place.