The truth about today February 7, 2012

Straight from the heart, here is the truth this morning.

When my alarm went off, I did not want to get up. I got to bed too late, in part because my 3yo Mark went to sleep very late. This was because I allowed him to nap for 3 hours yesterday, until about 5:30 p.m. I was curious to see what would happen with his bedtime (that is, his actual fall-asleep time). Sure enough, he was awake until almost 10 p.m. This kid is a tricky sleeper, to be sure. I could go on and on about how we try to tweak his nap time, bed time, etc., in order to get him well rested and sleeping on a schedule that works for our family. To all of you who have children who are tricky sleepers, my heart goes out to you.

This whole morning, I have not felt like dealing with anything. I have been avoiding showering and getting dressed. I have been rotating in and out the audiobooks that Mark is listening to, hoping that he’ll like them and stay engaged. And stay out of my hair.

I have a meeting at 10 a.m., while Mark is at preschool, and I am glad that I have this meeting (a new client for my business), but I wish it could have fallen on a different day, a day when I feel a little more human. A day when I’m not fighting (and losing) against my sugar addiction. (I use the term “addiction” because I don’t know what other term to use; I mean no disrespect to people who battle addictions to other things.) A day when I feel “up” about my business and feel like I can handle thinking about the details that need to be attended to.

This morning, every fiber of my being wants to crawl into bed and read my book. I don’t want to shower, get dressed, get Mark to preschool, and meet with a client. I just want to hide from the world for a few hours, quite honestly, and possibly take a nap.

Thankfully, I don’t have bigger, badder things to battle today. But these are my battles, nonetheless.

Checking email when I already have unprocessed “stuff” around September 10, 2010

Here’s a question that just popped into my mind.

When I have unprocessed stuff around that I still need to deal with (notes, ideas for projects, etc.), then why do I sit down to check my email, where I will potentially have more “new stuff” come my way that I have to process?

I guess one reason that I check my email under these circumstances is that I’m wondering whether someone – Hubby, friend, etc. – has sent a reply to me that will answer a question for me or move a project forward.

Another reason is that I tend to sit down at my computer when I am taking a break, and naturally I tend to check my email at that time.

And, finally, there is new “stuff” coming in daily via email that I want/need to deal with in a timely manner, such as friends making plans to go out to dinner that night.

But it still leaves me in a bit of a quandary when I sit down to check my email and find a new item, such as a friend wondering about making plans to take a trip. I could decide to leave it unread until later; or, read it and see whether I can deal with it in two minutes or less; or, read it and put a stake in the ground somewhere to remind me that I need to deal with/reply to that email.

I am certainly not at black-belt level when it comes to email, but I am thankful that I am, at the very least, aware of the pitfalls that email can create.

Wanted: David Allen, to shadow me for a week September 7, 2010

It occurred to me today, as I was paging through David Allen’s Ready for Anything, that it would be fascinating to have someone like David Allen shadow me, a lowly SAHM, for a day — or better yet, a week.

What I wouldn’t give to get his input on how I could improve my implementation of GTD, and how to optimize my productivity given my working conditions.

As every mom knows, the working conditions may include any or all of the following

• sleep deprivation
• lack of control over the day’s schedule, due to things such as child getting sick or waking up from a nap in a demonic state; child skipping a nap or waking up early from a nap
• limited ability to complete any given task, due to interruptions (child needs snack, potty help, conflict intervention; child unable to occupy him/herself; child getting into mischief)
• copious amounts of time required for mundane tasks like: laundry, picking up toys, wiping up messes, cleaning kitchen, prepping food, grocery shopping
• feelings of guilt and uncertainty over not spending more time with the kids: reading to them, playing with them, etc.
• limited living space (a.k.a., small house) with limited space and resources for storage and organization of necessities — everything from measuring spoons to winter boots
• limited financial resources for adapting the home to the family’s needs
• limited financial resources for hiring outside help for childcare, cleaning, etc.

When I think about what areas of responsibility a mother has, especially a SAHM who may not get sufficient time and space to clear her head, plan her day, and so on, it is no wonder how frazzled and overwhelmed I feel sometimes.

David Allen, if you are reading this, please come alongside me for awhile!

A good day: What it takes January 12, 2010

Just a few thoughts this morning on what it takes for me to have a “good day.”

• A good (or decent) night’s sleep, which allows me to have sufficient energy, focus, and patience for the day’s challenges.
• A feeling that I am working within my workout plan (either going to the gym that day, or know which days I am going to the gym that week)
• A feeling that I am eating within the bounds of hunger and fullness
• A feeling that I have some time to myself (e.g., my 1-year-old isn’t fussy and clamoring for attention seemingly every moment of the day) so that I can clean house, plan my day, make phone calls, and so on
• A feeling that I am guarding my heart and keeping my focus on God

What does it take for you to have a good day? Let me know in the comments!

Current state of affairs October 13, 2009

A lot has changed since I last put a real update on this blog.

MIL issues – she is still out of my everyday life. I’ve had one session (alone) with the family therapist my husband has been seeing about our issues with his mom. It was the best 50 minutes I have spent in a long, long time! More on that later.

Weight loss – I haven’t attended Weight Watchers meetings for a few months now. I have maintained my 30-lb weight loss fairly well (not perfectly!). The last few weeks have been really rough with stress eating. I finally made myself step on the scale this morning, and it confirmed that my choices have resulted in weight gain (duh!).

GTD (Getting Things Done system by David Allen) – I am still using my GTD Coordinator (paper planner) and am benefitting from GTD, although there are things I am NOT doing well that are having an effect on the overall benefits from GTD.

Things on my mind lately

• I love, love, love my two kids. AND. When I am not taking care of myself (showering, eating well) and not dealing effectively with my responsibilities (keeping house clean and tidy, keeping couponing in its proper place and not letting it take up too much time but also not neglecting it to the point that I am missing the point altogether) and so on, THEN, I am unhappy, worn out, and stressed out, and I am not able to be a good parent.
• At times, circumstances beyond my control (sick kids, bad weather, sick ME) will prevent me from properly attending to all of the items listed in the above bullet point. In that case, all I can do is recognize what is causing the downward slide, and minimize the negative factors and effects as much as I can.
• The main factor that has been driving me crazy lately is my (almost) 1yo son, Mark. His  naps have dwindled to about 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon. He is ridiculously tired  and therefore fussy for many of his waking hours. I have had more than my fill of being interrupted from any and all tasks (whether “relaxing” or “necessary” in nature). [I am thanking my lucky stars that I am even able to type this post right now.] I can’t count how many times, in the past week or two, I have stood somewhere in my house and wondered whether Mark will be content for the next 30 seconds or 3 minutes or whatever. If just 30 seconds, what is the point of even trying to do anything? But of course, there is no way to know when his next fussy-tired-meltdown will occur, so I am constantly guessing. It really does a number on my overall happiness and mental health when I don’t have the necessary “calm” in my house to string two thoughts together, much less two tasks together. That is one challenge of motherhood that I could have never fathomed before I became a parent. I don’t know how it is for other moms, but I really and truly need my time to think, to plan, to contemplate, to pray, and, of course, to actually DO things–everything from planning meals and clipping coupons to cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. When I have day after day of “Mom, Interrputed” I start to feel frustrated, depressed,and stressed. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my kids, comfort them, feed them, and so on. It’s just that I am a person, too, and I have things I need and want to get done if I am to maintain a level of sanity and personal happiness.
• Whew, it feels good to have that all typed out. I think I’m going to quit while I’m ahead and move on to something else before I get interrupted.

I get a failing grade at being the entertainment committee for my kids lately! September 18, 2009

How do other moms (seem to be able to) do so much stuff with/for their kids, on a daily basis? By this I mean the moms who (in my imagination, at least) have no trouble getting their kids out for walks, to the park, to the local pool, and so on.

Lately in my neck of the woods, we have been blessed with beautiful Fall weather (a bit on the warm side, actually!). I look out the window and the great outdoors seem like the place to be with my two kids… and then my attention returns to the disaster of a kitchen, the piles of laundry, the list of phone calls to make…. and before I know it, it’s time for a meal/snack/bottle for SOMEBODY, and then someone needs a diaper change or assistance in the bathroom…. and then I need to go to the bathroom…. and then that load of laundry needs to go in the dryer…. and before I know it, it’s nap time for the baby, and I really should get dinner started…. and I realize I haven’t played with or read to the kids, and certainly haven’t gotten out for a walk with them….

Does anyone else feel this way??

Yesterday was rough August 18, 2009

Yesterday wasn’t my best day ever, any way you look at it. I was crabby with my 4yo son, Adam. I ate junk food all day long. I didn’t do much of anything “fun” for the kids, like take them to a park. Frankly, I didn’t feel like going outside much.

A lot of my problems yesterday stemmed from a poor night’s sleep. Once again, it struck me how my whole day can succeed or fail based on how much sleep I got the night before.

It also struck me that when I eat junk, then I feel “big,” and I don’t feel like putting on clothes that might possibly feel tight, and add a few more steps in the chain reaction… then I feel cruddy about how I look, and therefore don’t feel like going out of the house.

Today is shaping up to be a better day. I got a decent night’s sleep and have a decent amount of energy and patience (so far! it’s only 10 a.m.). I have my GTD Coordinator in use, and have made my daily planning sheet, which includes a place to record Weight Watchers points. (One of these days, I’ll post a photo of my daily planning sheet. It is nothing fancy, but it just provides a touchpoint for me to return to throughout the day.)

My 10-month-old son, Mark, has gotten too tall for his Exersaucer. Bummer! So yesterday I went out and bought a Graco Pack & Play to use on the main floor of our house. This provides a safe place to put him anytime I can’t be right there to watch him. This means it’s time to get the Exersaucer cleaned up and ready for our local consignment shop. Who knows, I might even get to that task today.

Thoughts on the GTD Coordinator August 11, 2009

It has been about a week since I received my GTD Coordinator. Wow, what a difference it has made.

Of course, using a paper-based GTD solution is not perfect, but then again, neither is an electronic solution (for me, anyhow).

Benefits I have noticed so far:

• The pages are big enough where I feel I can write what I need to write (not like using notecards, which always seemed cramped to me). (However, I have no problem using notecards as a capture tool, in my purse, for example.)
• It is a nice, calm feeling to have place to collect things like project notes. For example, I just spent 5 minutes mind-mapping my son’s upcoming birthday party. This is not all that unusual for me, but what is unusual is having a logical, organized place to keep the mindmap. A mindmap isn’t much good to me if I can’t remember where I put it, or if I’m subconsciously trying to remember where I put it.
• “Ubiquitous capture” is a goal that is much nearer now than it used to be, because the GTD Coordinator makes this fairly simple and painless.
• This next point is a bit difficult to explain. It has to do with how I feel about myself as an individual and as a mother. It seems that having and using the GTD Coordinator not only makes me feel calmer and more productive, but it also makes me feel better about myself (more confident). I think it’s because in my role as a SAHM, I have a lot of things to do and responsibilities to uphold, but society doesn’t always recognize this. I don’t have a fancy office (or even a desk, for that matter) or an assistant. The fact is, I do need things like a menu planner and a family-friendly wall calendar, but I need much more than that! I need a way to capture, process, etc., EVERYTHING that’s going on in my life. I have tons of stuff coming at me, projects to manage, goals to work towards. Having the GTD Coordinator solidifies the role of GTD in my life, and provides a sense of validation for the challenges I face.
• On a related note, getting deeper into GTD forces/allows me to deal with areas of my life that tend to slide to the back burner, such as having fun, getting exercise, and generally doing anything enjoyable.

A SAHM mom ponders productivity and depression July 27, 2009

Every parent knows how hard it is to be productive with a mobile baby around.

If my 9-month-old, Mark, is awake, he is generally in one of two states:

1) He is content to play on his own or with his older brother.

2) He is fussy and will calm down only if I hold him (preferably while standing up). If I have ruled out his need for a diaper change or a snack, then he is most likely fussy because he’s tired well before nap time, a situation which I dread.

In the case of (2), it is nearly impossible to get anything accomplished, which is especially challenging if it’s something that can’t be put off until later, such as using the bathroom or putting older brother Adam down for a nap.

In the case of (1), there is more potential for me to be productive. I do need to make sure that Baby Mark is safe by  remembering to close baby gates and doors, and keeping unsafe items out of his reach (the mop bucket comes to mind). Another hurtle is Baby Mark’s interest in what I’m doing, also known as “getting into everything.”

Some days, it’s difficult to keep in mind the big picture — that this is only a short period of time in my life and in my children’s lives. When the house is a disaster, it’s hard for me to enjoy anything, therefore tidying up and cleaning are forefront on my mind. When I am not able to do these things, I get even more frustrated.

The other day I stumbled, completely by accident, on a blog post that perfectly described what I struggle with on a regular basis. This blogger, a dad who ended up being stranded at home with his kids during a blizzard, states:

with the blizzard and the kids, there was no path to action. There was no escape. I can see how many stay at home moms develop agoraphobia and depression.

Baby Mark just woke up from a nap, so I’ll have to end here (ironic, no?). More on this topic later.

Making the most of my time-chunks July 8, 2009

After my second child was born, and especially after he started crawling a few weeks ago, I have found myself re-evaluating the various chunks of time that I have in my day. The answer to the question, “What can or should I be doing RIGHT NOW?” depends largely on what type of time-chunk I am currently in.

Sometimes what I should be doing at a given moment is obvious, like if Kid_2 needs a diaper change, Kid_1 needs to be bathed, or Kid_2 needs to have a bottle. These are those immediate, mundane things that every parent churns through on a daily basis.

The real challenge, I find, is to be appropriately productive (and not frustrated!) during all of those other kinds of time-chunks that I am faced with:

1. Kid_1 and Kid_2 are content and, usually, busy playing with one another
2. Kid_1 and/or Kid_2 need to eat
3. Kid_2 is awake but not content.
4. Kid_2 is awake and content, but Kid_1 is generally underfoot (asking lots of questions, pushing boundaries, and so on)
5. Kid_1 is asleep but Kid_2 is awake, or, Kid_2 is asleep but Kid_1 is awake
6. (Praise to the heavens above) Both kids are asleep, either for naptime or for the night

Obviously, these types of time-chunks have various levels of potential for me to be productive. If Kid_2 is awake but not content (for no reason that I can find or remedy), the productivity potential is practically zero. If both kids are asleep, especially for naptime, I try to do things that I cannot do at any other time (for example, take off my shoes, lie down, and read/rest/nap). Ironically, it can take a lot of self-discipline to simply rest and not try to get caught up on other things.

Errands need to occur at a time when both kids are awake, (relatively) content, and are not hungry. Meeting all of these criteria is quite a challenge, especially lately when Kid_2 has reverted to taking three naps per day instead of just two. The same goes for something as simple as a quick outing to a park.

Safe to say, I don’t know any other moms who (to my knowledge) analyze things like this. But, it is my hope that in taking the time to analyze these things, I will be able to make the most of my time, therefore being able to find time to do things I really enjoy, therefore being a happier wife and mother. Sort of along the lines of a heading in Ready for Anything by David Allen:

Making it easy to take it easy.