Lately, as in during Winter break, I have been so bored here at home that I could almost tear my hair out. It doesn’t help that Mark (age 3) came down with a stomach bug a few days ago, and as a result I have left the house very little. For two days, I put the kids in front of Netflix (kids programs, of course) as a way to pass the time until Mark started feeling better and could play somewhat nicely with his big brother. I had thought that with the kids occupied in front of the TV, I could buckle down and get some things done. This sort of worked, sort of didn’t, because I just don’t have much gumption lately.
Today, Mark is over his fever and is healthy, aside from being more tired than usual. I’ve been looking, looking, looking for the spark of energy and stick-to-it-ive-ness that can, and often does, make or break my day. That core of energy that allows me to clean, if only for five or ten minutes, or to tackle some task I’ve been putting off, or to engage the kids in a fun but messy activity.
If I don’t have that core of energy, or if we don’t have some activity to get us out of the house, I can end up dragging around the house and just wishing it would be naptime or bedtime or whatever. I wish with all my might that the boys would get engaged in something — and get along with each other — so I can be left in peace for a minute, maybe ten minutes or even longer.
Is this what I thought being a SAHM would be like? No, I don’t think I thought it would be like this.