Struggles as of late May 24, 2009

Just wanted to put up a quick post about my struggles lately. For some reason, I have been struggling more than usual with

• feeling very “hemmed in” by motherhood; feeling sad & frustrated that I have little time to devote to exercise, hobbies, or friends
• feeling overwhelmed and anxious about having kids, and the challenges that will come as they grow older; feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of raising two children to be responsible adults

I would sum up my struggles lately as “depression and anxiety.” Some of this is probably brought on by the fact that I have HUTH (hung up the horns), meaning that I am no longer pumping breastmilk for my baby, so the hormonal changes are likely exacerbating my tendencies to feel depressed and anxious.

It’s good to have this blog, where I can write about these things without being concerned about what my friends and family will think (only my husband knows about this blog).

One strange thing that’s happened lately: A friend of mine just had his first child (well, his WIFE had the child, but you know what I mean) a few days ago, and this has gotten me thinking about what it was like when we first brought my youngest home from the hospital. I had horrible, horrible anxiety the first few days we were home; at times I could hardly stop crying. Well for some reason, just thinking about my friend and his new baby brings back some of those feelings that I had seven months ago. Weird!!!

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear insights from others who struggle with anxiety.

Sleep schedule for 3-year-old, continued May 13, 2009

(My son Adam will be f0ur years old in a few months, so it’s somewhat misleading to call him a 3-year-old.) I have written many times before about our struggle to find a good sleep schedule/rhythm for him. We are still struggling with the pattern that involves: late nap, late falling asleep at bedtime, and waking up relatively early in the morning (therefore not getting enough sleep).

My latest tweak is to sort of micro-manage his nap. It has been a process that has evolved more and more toward micromanagement. A few months ago, we instituted a new rule that at naptime he had to stay in bed with no toys and no books (or just 1 or 2 books). This was a big change from before, when he was allowed to do pretty much anything within reason at naptime. Fast forward to now: at naptime, I sit outside his room and leave his door open a few inches. If he starts talking, singing, or fidgeting a lot, I remind him that it’s naptime. I wouldn’t say this is a magic bullet, but I do believe, based on the evidence, that doing this helps him to get settled down and to fall asleep sooner.

In my opinion, if he falls asleep at 2:45 instead of 3:00 p.m. or later, that is one small hurrah for a healthy sleep schedule. I’ve only been at this for less than a week, so we’ll see what the longterm effects are of this new practice.

In general, I do not think it’s a good idea to micromanage (a la John Rosemond’s parenting approach), but I also think that sometimes, a parent has to step in and do for a child what s/he is unwilling to do for him- or herself.

Weight Watchers journey May 5, 2009

My official loss to date is 22 lbs. I haven’t decided on a target weight yet, but I do know I need to lose at least 10 more lbs.

My loss has been quite gradual during the last month or two. It may have to do with my milk production (nursing), which is down from where it had been. I have toyed with the idea of moving my daily points target from 28 to something like 26 — just in my own mind, since I don’t think the eTools will let me tweak like that.

The main thing I have to struggle against is the desire to eat in order to deal with (or, rather, NOT deal with) feelings of stress, anxiety, boredom, and so on. On Saturday, I decided to go off plan, and I wasn’t even hungry at the time. I just WANTED that feeling of eating whatever I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted. Sort of like a little vacation.

If there’s any silver lining to this cloud, it’s that I do this only once every few weeks or so, and I am back on plan the very next day. In the past when I’ve done WW, those bouts have lasted much longer than one day!

Yesterday I bought Hungry Girl’s 200 under 200 cookbook. I made the Big Bad Burger Wrap for dinner, and I was very pleased. And only 4 Points! My husband, who has started counting calories (go, hubby!!!!) also had one for dinner, and he liked it as well.

Of course, WW has plenty of its own cookbooks, and all (?) their recipes are online. There is just something about Hungry Girl that gets me motivated. Anyone else out there an HG fan?