The Honest Mommy

Uncensored thoughts on parenting & more

Initial Thoughts on “Approval Addiction” July 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 2:44 pm
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Kid_2 is napping at the moment. Kid_1 and Hubby are out of the house for a bit.

The feeling of being able to hear myself think (and pray) without distractions of any kind is amazing. Since I had a good night’s sleep, I feel more “together” than usual and am remembering what it’s like to feel like myself again.

I began reading Joyce Meyer’s Approval Addiction and actually had time to look up Bible verses.

A few things stood out to me during my quiet time

  • For years, but especially since Kid_1 was born, I have looked to my MIL for approval. When I have felt that I have not received approval, it has really thrown me off.
  • I also have a strong need for approval from my own parents.
  • My MIL seems to have a well-honed, subtle way of witholding “something” that I have a hard time putting a name to. I would call it approval, or acknowledgement, perhaps. Sometimes she simply cuts you off in the middle of what you’re saying. Other times she (appears to) listen to what you’re saying, but doesn’t show that she really cares about (or agrees with) what you’re saying. For years, this has thrown me off whenever I’ve run across it. I have responded by feeling hurt and/or trying even harder to gain her approval (sometimes by finding a different way to explain my point).
  • My MIL may have her own “approval addiction” issues, in that whenever I would bring up a concern I had about how she was caring for Kid_1, she would respond with defensiveness and anger.
  • Being a parent has a way of bringing to the forefront my issues with approval addiction. There will always be people who don’t agree with (approve of) the way you’re raising your children. It might be a grandparent, sibling, or stranger at the grocery store who doesn’t agree with your choices, but in any case, these people are everywhere.