The Honest Mommy

Uncensored thoughts on parenting & more

Back to my imperfect life June 15, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lotsofopinions @ 1:12 pm
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We just returned from a visit to Hubby’s family (dad and step-mom) who live a few states away. Overall the visit went well, especially considering Mark (age 2 1/2) and his very terrible-two-ness.

By the end of our visit, I did get rather tired of how “perfect” everything is there. It’s the kind of house where even the bathroom handsoap is trendy/hip/fancy.

Another factor which got under my skin — and was no one’s fault but my own — was Hubby’s step-sister and her perfect-ness. By that I mean that she is very fashionable, pretty, and has a good job. Same for her husband. I started to question myself, my personality, my tendencies, my choices in life. Yes, I “get to” stay at home with my kids (she has a 1-year-old), but my career prospects don’t look great after being out of the workforce for five years. Money is tight, and we are definitely not going on a tropical vacation anytime soon (they did so recently while their easygoing baby was cared for by the grandparents).

I’m glad to be back home and back in my element. The kids can play in the dirt; I can hang out online; I can work on my photography (going from hobby to business right now); I can get back to low-carb eating (difficult to do while being a guest during a birthday-party weekend). I can take the kids and do whatever seems good for them in the moment, like spend a bunch of time at parks. These are all things I can’t very well do while being a guest at the in-laws’ house.

Overall, I felt pretty rattled by being in the in-laws’ perfect house and being around my perfect sister-in-law (though she is very, very nice and I like her a lot). It’s hard for me to feel good about myself and my family’s situation when others seem to have and be “more.”

What about you, are you a SAHM/SAHD? Do you find it hard to be around others and their perfect-ness?

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5 Responses to “Back to my imperfect life”

  1. Sabrina Says:

    Absolutely! I cant stand it lol. I often look at those “have everything together” people and wonder how the world they do it. I did once find that its a sort of shallowness… that if you actually were there “in the off times” the house isnt as perfect as it seems. In fact I knew a couple who would put out those fancy soaps you talked about only when company was coming over. Before it would make me feel inadequate but, after finding that out it makes me realize that I am not the only one who feels like the reality isnt exactly what I would have liked it to be and by putting on airs to make them feel better I feel better for them. Kind of a win win… BUT…. lol if they really do have it together…. well just pretend its not real and you can still feel better. The grass is always greener…. until you get there.

  2. If someone has a bigger house than we do — so what? That’s just more for them to clean & keep up with, or else that’s more chores that their kids will be stuck with, making them miserable & whiny to their parents. 😉

    If someone makes more money than we do — so what? 9 times out of 10, they’ve also got a lot more debt to dig themselves out of.

    The only way I know to NOT find it hard to be around others and their perfect-ness, is to stop comparing myself & my family with others. Everyone is different, and all families are unique & have different needs that can change at any given moment. Rather than comparing myself with others, I instead try to be content/happy with what I have, with who I am, and with the family I helped create. Sure, we all have our “off” days — even the supposedly-perfect folks. They’re just better at distracting you with your own flaws while they stuff theirs into a closet. 😉

  3. glip Says:

    Hi there,
    Glad to see you’re back! I’m just stopping by from the SAHbbatical Blog Hop (http://tinyurl.com/SAHbbatical)…I think I’m subscribed by email but I just hit RSS as well. I really do enjoy your posts!
    Kim

  4. memomuse Says:

    Glad I found you. I can totally relate. That line in your about page is interesting, “A lot of moms put on a happy face and are really dying inside.” I am also a SAHM, trying to write and do some freelance work, in which some of it is for free, just to keep my mind moving and foster my identity as a writer. My blog is about motherhood and the struggles, at times, ripping off the mask of motherhood. I feel so alone sometimes with my frustration, like I should be better at this mom gig.

    I look forward to following your blog.
    Come by and visit my blog.
    memomuse
    http://www.memomuse.wordpress.com

    • lotsofopinions Says:

      Hello! Wow, I think I have a lot in common with you. I look forward to keeping up with your blog via my Google reader.


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