DS1 is 3.5 years old. DS2 is 2 months old. Breastfeeding didn’t work out, so I am pumping breastmilk 6 times per day, for a total of about 2 hours per day. Words can’t even describe the strain this puts on me…and yet I still feel I don’t do enough pumping.
Plus, we are recovering from that stomach virus that DS1 and DH got right after Christmas. That means there is more cleaning, laundry, etc., than usual to catch up on.
Getting ready for church this morning – it was just DS2 and me, since DH and DS1 were already at church – was so crazy and frustrating. It would be easier if I didn’t have to “feed” two babies — my son and my pump. Then when I was at church, I was so busy keeping my sons happy and in line that I concentrated very little on the church service. I was almost in tears and wished I could have just come home early.
My thoughts are pretty disorganized here, and for that I apologize. I guess the point I’m trying to get at is: Most days I feel I am just hanging on by a thread. I do the bare minimum of housework. I haven’t cooked a real meal in ages. My involvement at church, etc., is minimum because I don’t like feeling overwhelmed by outside obligations. I eat a horrible diet because I’m lazy, I like junk food, and I feel too busy to get organized in that area. I wear the same clothes all the time because they’re the only ones that fit. I guess overall I feel like I’m a good mom and a decent wife, but I wish things weren’t so difficult. I feel like I am constantly doing housework, pumping, feeding my baby boy, etc., and yet I am just barely doing “enough” to qualify as the bare minimum.