The Honest Mommy

Looking back: I know what I know

lotsofopinions — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:00:23 +0000

Going through my gmail account today, I came across dozens and dozens of emails from a few years ago when I used to be friends with a gal I’ll call Luella. In the last six months, our friendship has completely fallen apart. In fact, things have gotten downright ugly, no matter that I would have done almost anything to prevent that.

In the process of this friendship falling apart, I have tried to explain to others that Luella and I used to be pretty good friends. I get the feeling that some people don’t really believe me. But goshdarnit, I know how things used to be, and coming across all of these emails reminds me that I know what I know.

I also know how Luella treated me a few different times in person last summer (which is how I knew “something” was going on with her and me). I know that she was being purposeful in being mean to me, and I know exactly what happened. Again, there are others who don’t quite seem to believe me, but again, I know what I know.

The last few months, I have focused on moving forward from this train wreck of a situation. It is made more difficult by the other friendships and social situations that this train wreck affects. But onward, onward, onward I move, or try to, anyway.

SAHM Burnout: I didn’t think it would be like this.

lotsofopinions — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 21:02:11 +0000

Lately, as in during Winter break, I have been so bored here at home that I could almost tear my hair out. It doesn’t help that Mark (age 3) came down with a stomach bug a few days ago, and as a result I have left the house very little. For two days, I put the kids in front of Netflix (kids programs, of course) as a way to pass the time until Mark started feeling better and could play somewhat nicely with his big brother. I had thought that with the kids occupied in front of the TV, I could buckle down and get some things done. This sort of worked, sort of didn’t, because I just don’t have much gumption lately.

Today, Mark is over his fever and is healthy, aside from being more tired than usual. I’ve been looking, looking, looking for the spark of energy and stick-to-it-ive-ness that can, and often does, make or break my day. That core of energy that allows me to clean, if only for five or ten minutes, or to tackle some task I’ve been putting off, or to engage the kids in a fun but messy activity.

If I don’t have that core of energy, or if we don’t have some activity to get us out of the house, I can end up dragging around the house and just wishing it would be naptime or bedtime or whatever. I wish with all my might that the boys would get engaged in something — and get along with each other — so I can be left in peace for a minute, maybe ten minutes or even longer.

Is this what I thought being a SAHM would be like? No, I don’t think I thought it would be like this.

Emerging from fog of fatigue

lotsofopinions — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 20:36:16 +0000

All day today, I have felt very worn out. Like it was a chore to just get up and walk across the room, not to mention actually getting anything accomplished (either physical or mental).

I finally took a nap after lunchtime, when Mark went down for his nap (glory hallelujah), and now I feel totally and completely energized. And almost frenetic thinking about all of the things that I can or should get done.

My big guy, Adam, will be home from school soon. How much will I be able to do once he’s home? We shall see. The real question is how long Mark will nap.

It’s been quite a week, with some very positive emotionally charged things going on, and then an emotional hangover afterwards. Will try to write more about that later.

Thought of the day

lotsofopinions — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:09:55 +0000

With two young children, a small house, a full-time job as a SAHM, and my own business, there is no such thing as a lazy or relaxing Saturday morning.

Adjusting to new reality

lotsofopinions — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 01:33:30 +0000

I am posting from my phone, so please excuse any weird things that may happen as a result.

Mark, who just turned three, seems to have settled into a new pattern where he is unable to fall asleep until 8:30 p.m. The upside is that he often sleeps until 6 a.m. or later, which is so much easier to live with than the 5 a.m. or even earlier wake-ups that dominated our family life for so long.

The downside, of course, Is looking at the clock at 6 p.m. and realizing that I still have 2.5 hours on duty to look forward to.

I

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saving

grace.

Dictator

lotsofopinions — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 13:17:49 +0000

It’s 1 of those mornings where I find myself being ordered around by a pint sized Dictator. (My apologies for the funky words and capitalization. I am using voice to text.)

As much as I don’t believe in handing over control to a 2 year old, sometimes I really think I have no choice. When Mark is intent on fussing about things and interfering with anything I try to do, it seems my only recourse is to put him in his room. that, or do something completely different like go out on errands. it is frustrating because I need/want to get my house work done in the morning. it is nearly impossible to get my house work done when mark is demanding attention or causing trouble every other moment. I understand about letting him help or giving him something to keep him busy. but sometimes these strategies simply are not enough.

I realize that mark is tired and he has not gotten enough sleep. I realize that this is a huge factor in his behavior and mood. however, my husband and I have done everything we can to get him enough sleep. therefore, I really start to feel trapped and frustrated. I really start to feel the need to put limits on his behavior.

Mark is almost 3 years old. I know that he is tired and that he is having a hard time controlling his emotions. but I also have something that I call a brat alarm that goes off in my head when I see him act a certain way when he is no longer a 1 year old or even a 2 year old.

I am very glad that he is going to preschool now, even if it’s only 2 mornings per week. he really needs the experience of having to do something doesn’t want to do without throwing a fit about it.

Thoughts on buying children’s clothes

lotsofopinions — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 12:30:05 +0000

When my 6yo son, Adam, was younger, I bought a majority of his clothing at garage sales (not including shoes, underwear, and some outerwear). As he’s gotten older, it’s gotten more difficult to find clothing in his size at yard sales.

Gradually I have shifted over to buying his clothes new. It’s been interesting to discover which stores give me the most bang for my buck. In the past, I have bought a lot of jeans and t-shirts at Target, because their prices are reasonable to begin with and their clearance prices can be really fantastic.

However, I’ve slowly realized that shopping at higher-end clothing stores can be just as affordable, especially if I use coupon codes and cash-back sites like Ebates or Shopathome. I just got an email from Children’s Place showing that you can get jeans for $10.20 (toddler sizes less expensive) and graphic tees for $4.25 when you use a coupon code. Need to factor in their $5 flat shipping charge (occasionally I can get free shipping) but also factor in cash back through Ebates.

Time will tell if jeans from Children’s Place are any better than Target jeans, but there are certain clothes at Target that I don’t care for anymore — like their Cherokee t-shirts — so it’s fun to see what I can get at other stores for comparable prices.

Day 3 of Hubby being out of town

lotsofopinions — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:13:23 +0000

I think – no, I know – my morale took a beating today.

Today was Day 3 of Hubby being out of town. Yesterday was long, but I was focused on “let’s enjoy summer while it’s here” and had a good day overall. Today – I don’t know what exactly was different, but by the time I was serving supper to the kids, I didn’t have much good humor left to endure DS2′s shenanigens and DS1′s complaining and bad attitude.

I texted Hubby to give him a heads-up that by the time he got home from his trip this evening, I would be glad to see him but maybe not in a very good mood. I explained that I felt like a hamster stuck on a wheel and that I was very tired of it. I also explained that I have a million things on my to-do list, yet I’m lucky if I can take care of my basic needs. I hope he will be understanding.

I’ve recently re-instated FlyLady routines into my day, and it definitely helps to keep CHAOS away. It’s also a lot of work to actually DO laundry every day and CLEAN the kitchen/kitchen sink every morning. I think I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor, but also feeling the effects of not plopping onto the couch every time I feel the urge. I’m sure Hubby being out of town also plays a large part in my feeling overall wigged out and worn out.

The Honest Mommy would like a break from the kitchen, please

lotsofopinions — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 15:44:50 +0000

This morning, from 6:15 – 9:30 a.m., I spent nearly all of my time on the following tasks

getting myself dressed
searching frantically for an uninterrupted 5-minute period during which I could wash my hands, dry my hands, and put my contacts in
dealing with children and watercolor paints
getting DS1 and DS2 dressed
directing DS2 to do his morning routine
preparing and serving breakfast to DS1 and DS2
working on laundry (folding, putting away)
wiping down bathroom
washing dishes
emptying dishwasher
wiping down kitchen sink
managing sibling squabbles and crises
getting breakfasts number two and three for DS2
getting DS2 ready to go outside, then come inside, times two

At 9:30 I finally was ready to sit down and have some breakfast. I had worked so, so, so hard to get everything squared away and everyone taken care of, just so I could have a few minutes to eat in peace.

But, no such luck. When DS2 saw that I was having hard-boiled egg and cheese, he immediately wanted some. So, the egg which I had carefully heated up (twice) for myself ended up going to DS2. I ended up eating while standing at the kitchen counter and doling out bites of food to DS2 (I don’t like to give him too much at once in case he decides to throw it or just not eat it).

Fast forward to 10:30 a.m. The kids were outside playing for 15-20 minutes (yay!), then both came inside and DS2 asked for a snack. (This is the child who I had to force to finish his breakfast because he declared himself “full,” so that I could actually “finish” cleaning the kitchen).

You know what? I do not want to go into the kitchen and come up with a snack, dirty more dishes, create crumbs. I just spent my whole morning, up to this point, trying to “finish” cleaning the kitchen so I could get out of there.

Yes, I am crabby. No, I am not in the running for Mother of the Year.

Trying to alleviate yucky, anxious feelings

lotsofopinions — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 16:17:19 +0000

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had trouble with anxiety. Not “worrying” that something bad will happen, like a car crash, but more of a generalized feeling of anxiety that feels like butterflies in my stomach or tightness in my chest.

I’ve had a lot of this anxiety today. I realized that it may stem, in part, from all of the loose ends and unfinished business I have right now. What does the rest of July look like? What still needs to be done to plan my son Adam’s birthday party? What steps can I take right now to move certain projects forward? Which projects can be put on the back burner for now? How and when will I get back on the low-carb wagon (low carb is how I manage my weight and my health)? When will I work on photos from our recent European trip? What’s for dinner tonight?

At the moment, I’m insisting that the kids play outside so that I can work out some of these things. I do get pretty antsy when I want the kids to just play on their own for awhile so that I can work on things. Surely mothers of previous generations did not spend their days constantly entertaining their kids and taking them on fun outings — there were too many other things to do!