Day 3 of Hubby being out of town July 28, 2011

I think – no, I know – my morale took a beating today.

Today was Day 3 of Hubby being out of town. Yesterday was long, but I was focused on “let’s enjoy summer while it’s here” and had a good day overall. Today – I don’t know what exactly was different, but by the time I was serving supper to the kids, I didn’t have much good humor left to endure DS2′s shenanigens and DS1′s complaining and bad attitude.

I texted Hubby to give him a heads-up that by the time he got home from his trip this evening, I would be glad to see him but maybe not in a very good mood. I explained that I felt like a hamster stuck on a wheel and that I was very tired of it. I also explained that I have a million things on my to-do list, yet I’m lucky if I can take care of my basic needs. I hope he will be understanding.

I’ve recently re-instated FlyLady routines into my day, and it definitely helps to keep CHAOS away. It’s also a lot of work to actually DO laundry every day and CLEAN the kitchen/kitchen sink every morning. I think I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor, but also feeling the effects of not plopping onto the couch every time I feel the urge. I’m sure Hubby being out of town also plays a large part in my feeling overall wigged out and worn out.

The Honest Mommy would like a break from the kitchen, please July 22, 2011

This morning, from 6:15 – 9:30 a.m., I spent nearly all of my time on the following tasks

• getting myself dressed
• searching frantically for an uninterrupted 5-minute period during which I could wash my hands, dry my hands, and put my contacts in
• dealing with children and watercolor paints
• getting DS1 and DS2 dressed
• directing DS2 to do his morning routine
• preparing and serving breakfast to DS1 and DS2
• working on laundry (folding, putting away)
• wiping down bathroom
• washing dishes
• emptying dishwasher
• wiping down kitchen sink
• managing sibling squabbles and crises
• getting breakfasts number two and three for DS2
• getting DS2 ready to go outside, then come inside, times two

At 9:30 I finally was ready to sit down and have some breakfast. I had worked so, so, so hard to get everything squared away and everyone taken care of, just so I could have a few minutes to eat in peace.

But, no such luck. When DS2 saw that I was having hard-boiled egg and cheese, he immediately wanted some. So, the egg which I had carefully heated up (twice) for myself ended up going to DS2. I ended up eating while standing at the kitchen counter and doling out bites of food to DS2 (I don’t like to give him too much at once in case he decides to throw it or just not eat it).

Fast forward to 10:30 a.m. The kids were outside playing for 15-20 minutes (yay!), then both came inside and DS2 asked for a snack. (This is the child who I had to force to finish his breakfast because he declared himself “full,” so that I could actually “finish” cleaning the kitchen).

You know what? I do not want to go into the kitchen and come up with a snack, dirty more dishes, create crumbs. I just spent my whole morning, up to this point, trying to “finish” cleaning the kitchen so I could get out of there.

Yes, I am crabby. No, I am not in the running for Mother of the Year.

Trying to alleviate yucky, anxious feelings July 11, 2011

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had trouble with anxiety. Not “worrying” that something bad will happen, like a car crash, but more of a generalized feeling of anxiety that feels like butterflies in my stomach or tightness in my chest.

I’ve had a lot of this anxiety today. I realized that it may stem, in part, from all of the loose ends and unfinished business I have right now. What does the rest of July look like? What still needs to be done to plan my son Adam’s birthday party? What steps can I take right now to move certain projects forward? Which projects can be put on the back burner for now? How and when will I get back on the low-carb wagon (low carb is how I manage my weight and my health)? When will I work on photos from our recent European trip?  What’s for dinner tonight?

At the moment, I’m insisting that the kids play outside so that I can work out some of these things. I do get pretty antsy when I want the kids to just play on their own for awhile so that I can work on things. Surely mothers of previous generations did not spend their days constantly entertaining their kids and taking them on fun outings — there were too many other things to do!

Working out which way is “up” July 10, 2011

It was one week ago that my family and I returned from our gigantic (to me) European trip. I truthfully had no idea how difficult it would be to get back into the swing of things here at home. I had no idea about the sleep and clingy-ness issues that would arise with 2-year-old Mark. I had no idea how much fatigue would affect me, as well as feeling depressed, unmotivated, and unfocused.

This morning, I told Hubby that I truly do not want to be grumpy and negative, and that I’m working to figure out what types of things will help me move forward. I theorized that “getting back into FlyLady” might be good for me, as it seems that the times when I’ve followed FlyLady routines and mindsets have been good times in my life.

I went to iTunes to look for the FlyLady podcast; I used to listen to her podcast a lot while working around the house. It seems, though, that she no longer has a weekly podcast that is HER. All I can find is the Flylady and Friends podcast which cycles through Gramma, Leanne Ely, Missus Smartypants, and so on. (Do any FlyBabies have advice for me here? Am I missing something?)

Anyway, Hubby took both kids to church stuff this morning, where I will join them later for the worship service. Meanwhile, I have some RARE!!!!!! time to do my FlyLady routine, tidy up, and have some time to myself (hence this blog post). Next up is some devotional time, another piece of my life which needs to get back into place.

Getting over jet lag July 7, 2011

On Saturday (July 2), my family and I arrived home from a 10-day trip to Europe. The jet lag that I had after arriving in Europe was *nothing* compared to what I’m experiencing after arriving back home again. The time difference is 7 hours.

It may have to do with how worn out I got during our trip, which was full of rushing around and tending to the kids, especially 2-year-old Mark, all of the time and never really getting a break or down time.

My experience so far, after returning home

• I am exhausted by 8 p.m. and ready to fall asleep. Unfortunately, Mark isn’t ready to fall asleep until at least 8 p.m.; last night it was 8:45 p.m.
• Mark is up every day around 5 a.m. This doesn’t leave me much time to catch up on sleep.
• At times, I feel alert, energetic, and ready to take on the world. I feel motivated to clean, declutter, work on trip photos, and so on. Next thing I know, my energy is gone, my focus and concentration have diminished, and it’s all I can do to lie on the couch and feel miserable. Not miserable like I feel sick, but just miserable from an energy and mood standpoint. I guess that’s what depression feels like. When I think about tending to my photography business, I feel so overwhelmed and “down” that I just have to move on to something else. When I think about planning something for the rest of July (birthday party, family get-together) it just does me in. It doesn’t help that interruptions from the kids are frequent.
• Mark is, much of the time, unable to entertain himself or be by himself. I chalk this up to jet lag, sleep debt, and adjusting to being back home. This puts more demand on me to be with him, hold him, and manage conflict between him and his older brother, Adam.

Today I am considering putting the kids in front of the TV (netflix) so I can get a break. Definitely not something I would have considered a year or two ago, but I truly need a vacation after getting home from our whirlwind overseas experience.